Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, he’s not a real cop. He’s a stripper.
Adrian Monk: I don’t think so.
Natalie Teeger: Didn’t you see his badge? It says “Officer Feelgood.”
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, the guy’s got dollar bills sticking out of his belt.
Adrian Monk: I thought he’d lost his wallet.
Stottlemeyer: Write everything down because I’m only going to say this once. At midnight, I want this entire building on lockdown. At 1:00, I want to sweep the building for bombs, head to toe. At 6:00, I want a sniper on every roof. At 11:30, we hand him off to the authorities. Then, he’s the bureu’s problem.
Randy: Captain, can you repeat that?
Stottlemeyer: Sure. What part?
Randy: Everything after, “Write everything down because I’m only going to say this once.”